Oh, New Years.

I don't quite understand the mechanisms behind motivation or the capacity to stick to goals. On one hand, I would like to believe that everyone is capable of doing such things, but on the other I sometimes feel like you need to be the type of person who can fall into habits...good or bad. I consider myself a successful person, but my entire life I haven't been able to accomplish this one goal. I can't lose weight. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I can lose weight, I just don't try hard enough. It is the most frustrating thing in the world to look at old blog entries or things I've written promising that THIS is going to be the time where I actually accomplish my wildest dreams only to know that instead of losing 50 pounds I gained 10. So I think I'm going to approach this differently this time. My goal is not to lose weight. My goal is to set 3 monthly goals for myself and attain them. If I happen to lose weight than so be it.

My January Goals are:

1. read two books for fun this month

2. eat 5-9 servings of vegetables, work out 45 minutes and drink 64 oz of water at least 3 days a week (i'll start slow)

3. gather 25 recipes to put in my recipe book.

By doing it this way, I'm not putting as much pressure on myself to lose a certain amount or feel like a failure when the scale doesn't magically lower itself.

the real test.

For the first four days of this diet, I've been able to enjoy 4 days of being at home. I haven't had to make decisions outside of my comfort zone on what to eat for lunch or dinner and I've been able to keep on plan quite nicely. Today, however, I am at work and surprisingly enough, it isn't too bad. 

I decided to splurge a little for lunch today and I had a lean pocket (6 pts). Usually, I try to get the most proverbially bang for my buck with lunch because it has to hold me until snack time, but today I wanted a quick fix. It's currently 4pm and I'm not famished. I may be a little hungry, but I have a feeling that comes from being in a place where I usually snack. 

My job isn't an office job or anything like that, I'm merely a babysitter, so while I'm here I usually park it at the table and study for my GRE. This usually includes some sort of snack material. Right now, I'm sitting next to the oldest and we're both doing our work, sans the snack food. It's almost liberating. I don't need food to get me through my studies. I don't need food to get me through my emotions. I just need food to give me the energy to get me through my day. Although dinner is still an hour away, I think I'll be able to hold out. Ill start cooking at around 4:45. That way it'll take my mind off of eating because I'll be actively engaged in something . 

I made an awesome pizza yesterday if ya'll are interested: 

1 Damascus Whole Wheat Roll up (You can find these at any supermarket. I get mine at Costco in bulk =) 

1/4 cup trader joes fat free pizza sauce 

1 1/2 oz part skim cheese 

italian seasoning 

garlic salt 

Preheat the oven to 400. Spray a nonstick cooking pan with PAM. Spread sauce on the roll up, add garlic salt, add cheese, and throw some italian seasoning on top. Stick it in the oven for about 10 minutes (Keep an eye on it). You have the perfect low point pizza. The entire thing (it's big. Bigger than an Ellio's) is 4 points, great for lunch paired with a salad, or eat it by itself for a nice comforting snack. 

=) 

day three.

So, on day three of my weight loss journey, I'm starting to find it easier and easier to stay on plan. The problem is, this happens practically every time. I'm gung-ho for a certain amount of time and then my patience and my stamina just dwindles. Maybe the fact that this time I've taken a new super slow approach will help me out? 40 weeks to lose 40 pounds is a snail's pace to most people who value fast weight loss, but in actuality if you add up how many times I've tried and failed, I probably could've lost double that by now.

I used 5.5 of my 35 extra points yesterday and I started to feel a bit bad about it. Then I realized that those points are there for that exact reason. I've also been a little upset that I haven't gotten a chance to work out this week, but I've realized that by going into this weight loss full-fledged, I might be setting myself up for a quicker plateau. So here's my plan. This week and next, I will use all of my extra points, and do no exercise. Then Week Three I will start adding exercise in and if I hit a plateau, Ill start weaning myself off of those extra points. It's all about seeing how this will effect my body. If I still lose a pound a week, who cares if I eat all my points. =)

day two

So, today was day two of my weight watchers journey and I'd have to say it went pretty well. I was even offered lunch by my boyfriend and I declined because I didn't want to go overboard. I've come to realize that the biggest problem I have is with stopping after I have already started (i.e. binge eating) so I've decided to just avoid all of the foods I know will trigger a binge. Does anyone else have this problem? If so, what foods are your triggers? 

I went food shopping yesterday and I am absolutely in love with two new items: 1) fiber one strawberry yogurts and 2) progresso light vegetable and rice soup. If only the soups weren't $2.69 a piece by me. Anyone know of any good coupon sites? 

That's it for now. =)

clearing things up.

I know my first post was a little vague, but it was exactly what I wanted an introduction to be. I'm a very introspective person and the idea that changing your mindset is all you need to change your life is one of the most powerful statements that can be made. I've gone through it all, battles with infertility, battles with eating disorders and the most important... battle of the bulge. 

The main idea here is the fact that I didn't just get to this weight from genetics. Sure, my parents are heavier people, but this wasn't always the case. My weight has plagued me all my life, and I am a firm believer that many of the things I want to do cannot be accomplished because of my preoccupation with the size and shape of my body. 

This being said, the "changes" I'm going to make are going to take on a physical form through diet and exercise but ,most importantly, a mental form through letting myself know that not only am I worth it, but I am in control of my own happiness. 

I started weight watchers for the 5th and hopefully last time, with this new mindset in hand. My goal is to reach a weight of 163.5 lbs (40 lbs less) in the 40 weeks I have until I uproot myself from my suburban home and move to a southern, big city location. Join me for funny anecdotes, food journals and updates along the way. =)

"What we think, we become. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world".

                    - Buddha 

The thing about life is, that the ideas and mantras we are taught as children always seem to come back to find us in the later years. Maybe its because the autonomy we seek leads us to stray from our parents wisdom, or maybe its just simply that what we hear sounds so trivial, but for some reason we tend to dismiss many childhood sayings without realizing their full power. As a child I was told "You can do whatever you want in life, so long as you put your mind to it". As a kid, I believed this. I dreamed of becoming an author, a librarian, a physicist, and a psychologist. I wanted to help people and learn and spread my knowledge as far as I could. I believed what my parents told me and I looked forward to single-handedly saving the world. As I got a little older, however, the cynicism that comes with the teenage yearstook over. The idea that mommy and daddy might have been talking out of their behinds was quite apparent to me. Clearly if everyone has the same dream, we can't all get what we want. It's just not possible.

 

But in denigrating the message my parents were giving me, by picking it apart and challenging its every thought, I was missing the big picture. In the grand scheme of life, we're all striving for happiness and by thinking positively that can be achieved. Our own thoughts have the power to change our course of events. We draw what we want towards us with the power of thought. If Buddha realized this years ago,and my parents obviously passed this down from generation to generation, why didn't I understand ? 

 

I guess I could blame it on lack of perspective, or of naivete. I was young and ruthless. I wanted to challenge and I wanted to criticize but now I want to embrace this teachings. If something is making a person unhappy, it is in their own power to change it, so that, my friends is what I am going to do.